Ever have days where you feel like everything is blowing up, melting down, falling completely apart? Welcome to my world. Glad to meet you.
I have NO reason to feel this way. I have a great job, money in the bank, a loving family, a home, enough to eat, enough of everything. So why the craziness? Why the anxiety? Why the self-induced stress? Irritability? Low mood? Hate every fucking thing?
I have been half-crazy ever since I hit puberty, an embarrassing number of years ago. Tried therapy, tried self-care and self-medication. Tried meditation and deep breathing to calm my squirrel mind (didn’t work).
The only thing that has worked temporarily is self-medication. Beer and marijuana; cigarettes and food. But even that is failing me now, some 40 years later . . .
So I started a blog . . . so I can vent . . . so I can be completely honest. It won’t always be pretty, and some of it will be indefensible, but I need a place to put my thoughts, to hush the crazy person inside my head by getting out what she is constantly chattering on about.
Before I get any crazier. Or perhaps I’m just indulging my crazy . . . or maybe I’m not crazy at all, just self-indulgent and narcissistic. Or maybe I’ll end up in an institution . . . again . . . spent a good part of my youth in one, why not my late middle-age?
Enough already! Got things to do. Settle down, settle down, settle down.